Monday, May 20, 2013

5 Love Languages

Sometimes relationships are easy, sometimes they aren't.
Knowing how you can appropriately show your significant other/ spouse love is very beneficial.

Years ago before I was married I read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  It's been a long time but over the years I have thought a lot about the love languages it talks about and Matthew and I have  talked about them multiple times as well.

Here are some excerpts from The 5 Love Languages website that briefly explains each love language to help you understand the idea a little more if you haven't ever heard of them.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

If you haven't ever heard of this book I highly recommend any engaged/married couple read it.
Want to know what your primary love language is?  If so head on over to their website and you can take a free quiz that helps you pinpoint what your top love language is.  If will give you a score for each language and  your boyfriend/spouse can do it as well.  
I retook the test as well, and wasn't surprised that my love language has changed.  One of my top ones used to be physical touch and since adding kids to my life and my marriage, I knew that had changed.   I am touched all day.  I  am constantly being jumped on, and hung on to.  I'm touched a lot, haha so that isn't always something I want.  Being  mom is hard, and can be draining and I pretty much already knew before I took the quiz but it  confirmed that now I'm a Words of affirmation person.  Being a mom has turned me into someone that needs to know I'm doing good.  After hard days I just need to be built back up.  

So now I want to encourage you to head over, and take the quiz!  Then share if you want, what is your love language?

Have you taken the quiz or read the book before and had a change of your top language as well?  

1 comment:

  1. Ive been interested in reading both this book, and the one for kids, especially once my little ones get a little bit older! Took the quiz, and without a doubt, my language was Acts of Service!