Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Almost 30

My birthday was last Sunday and I started out the day to myself getting in a 5 mile run.
It was a quiet run and I was lonely.  Just the week before I was running with 17,000 people all on the same trail in San Diego with beautiful scenery and adrenaline like I've never experienced before.   But as I ran down those lonely country roads I also did a lot of thinking about my life thus far.  I was overwhelmed with thinking about all that we have.

I just turned 29 this year, and a few weeks before my birthday my hubby turned 30.  30 sounds so much older than any number in the 20's and  I can't believe I'm almost there.  Age doesn't bother me now but someday I'm sure it will.   I have terrible skin, but yet have such a baby face.  I've always hated it, but someday will like it when everyone thinks I'm younger.  

Anyways,  since most of you don't really know me.
Here's what I wanted for myself as shallow as it sounds by this age

Kids after 30 because I really wanted to get my career going first
Big city career in fashion
Live in a big city
Wear high heels every day and dress up every day. 
I always pictured myself walking down the city streets, with heels, dresses and skirts, and a briefcase.  
To Be "Successful"

Well now  that I'm 29 here's my life

2 young boys and plan on being done having children
Live in my hometown which is pretty small and we actually live outside of it.
My house is covered by fields on 3 sides.
I wear flats, boots, or flip flops most days.
I still love fashion and dress up when I can but honestly most of the time I live in yoga pants and a plain colored tshirt
My life is truly very far away from glamorous!
I don't do anything with my fashion degree because I work with my husband at his optometry office.

Now by comparing the two, one would assume, I'm possibly not happy with my life or that I don't feel successful.  
I won't lie, of course I have days where I'm not completely happy, days where I do want more.  Days when I want that feeling of success and something of my own.  But at the same time, 99% of days, I'm completely happy with my life.  
I can't imagine my life without my boys, they bring me more joy than anything I have ever known.  
We actually spent a year living in the middle of downtown Chicago and I didn't like it like I thought I would.  I loved getting to experience what we did while we were there.  I was always around people but still felt lonely.  I missed our friends and family like crazy and couldn't wait to get back to them.  
With my career I knew that if Matthew and I were to get married, I knew we would end up back in our hometown because he had plans to join his father's optometry practice.  That was something I really thought and prayed about before we got married because I knew a big career using my degree just wouldn't be in the cards where we live. 
Now I'm actively trying to find someone for my job at work because more than anything I want to be a full time SAHM to my boys before they go to school.  I never thought I would want a van and to be the mom who stayed home.  I always thought I would need something more.   (I didn't realize how hard being a mom would be obviously when I thought that)  I have in the last few years really wanted to start a business and have had multiple ideas that would work in our small town and still hope to do so someday but most likely not when our kids are this young.  
I have shared this quote before but wasn't sure if I had on here and this truly sums up my life so far.

God knew what I would want.  He knew what the desires of my heart were going to be and he picked my perfect mate for my  unknown dream life.  We are blessed beyond measure and living the life that was made for us. Here's to another year, that I'm sure will be better than the last!  Here's to living in the country with my two kids and just being a mom without some fancy career.  Here's to my happy !  

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