Friday, March 15, 2013

Committed



Marriage and divorce have been on my mind lately, not because mine is in trouble but because marital problems and divorce are all around me.

I once had 2 parents, then when I was two they divorced and both remarried shortly after.

I then had 4....

I grew up the majority of my life this way.  It seemed normal!  My stepdad was like a dad to me because I lived with him and spent a lot of time with him.  I was also lucky that we lived close to or  in the same town as my biological dad who I have always remained close to as well.  I hit the jackpot, I was raised by two wonderful men who are both my "dads".  I wouldn't be who I am today without either one of them.  I also gained a stepmom, who was always such a good friend to me during the teenage years.   I always felt like I could tell her stuff and we had a great relationship as well.  Divorce then, seemed normal and I was perfectly fine living that way because it was all I really knew.

Then my world shattered in October of 2009.  My mom and my "stepdad" for understanding purposes (I have always called him dad), told us they were getting divorced. I'll skip all the details because that story could go on and on, it still is.  But I was raised in a christian home, I thought their marriage was fine.  I NEVER saw it coming.  I was 25 years old.  I didn't live at home anymore but I can tell you that didn't stop it from hurting every day.  It didn't stop the tears from flowing day after day.  It was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.  And now 3 1/2 years later I still have days that it is hard, really hard.    They are both with other people, one married and one isn't but engaged.  Somedays it's so frustrating because I feel like I should be over it and I'm just not!   I still have so much emotion about the issue.

Now my dad and my stepmom are also getting divorced.  Now I have known about that since the end of last summer but they are just now selling their house and going their separate ways.  It didn't really become real until they sold their house a few weeks ago.  I loved that house and parted me always wanted it if they ever moved but now with the circumstances it would just be too weird.  It's hard to know I won't ever go there again and the reason behind it is divorce.  There are great memories there with that family!

Divorce sucks.  Period!  It's life changing not just for the people who decide to get divorced but it also affects kids much more than I ever would have thought had I not dealt with it on my own.

In my family there are a lot of divorces and in my husbands there aren't hardly any.  That is something I think about a lot and it scares me.

I'm committed to my marriage, my vows, my husband and my boys.  I can't imagine putting them through what I have been through the last few years.

I'm not saying marriage is easy, because I know it's not.  We have good days, we have bad days.  Matthew and I have had multiple times in our marriage where it just seems like we are roommates and I don't like it but it's so easy to get lazy and  be selfish and make life about what I want.  I want to go to bed. I want to watch TV instead of talking.  I don't want to be close to anyone because I have had kids hanging on me all day.  The list could go on but you get it.  Love is a verb.  It's an action.  For me it's not going to be a choice. No matter if I want to or not, each morning I believe I have to get up and make the choice to do it.  Somedays I will want to and somedays I won't.

 (Matthew if you are reading this stop now)

At the beginning of the year when everyone was doing resolutions I thought I would pick something each month and really work on it.  I did one for January but haven't really focused on anything since.  For April I decided I want to focus on flirting with my husband.   I'm a terrible flirt, always have been probably always will be, but I'm going to try at least I can only get better since there is no way I can get worse, haha.  So for all you married ladies out there, let's flirt with our hubby's!

Here are some ideas!

- Hold Hands
- Send texts throughout the day letting them know you love him, miss him, or can't wait to see him
-Talk with your eyes
-Leave a love note on the mirror
-Steal kisses, in the kitchen, hallway, at the table anywhere he doesn't expect it
-Let your spouse pick out your bra and underwear
-Remind him what you are wearing
-Whisper
-Do something with him he enjoys
-Play footsie
-Surprise him with something you wouldn't normally do
-Send racy texts
-Send a card for no reason
-Hide love notes in his stuff
-Flash your hubby
-Give him a card for no reason
-Hit his booty  (my hubby is really good at this one, now it's my turn!)
-Kiss in the car at stoplights

-Watch a movie and cuddle on the couch
- Praise your husband in front of people
- Do something that has to do with his love language
-Share an inside joke
-Wear his favorite clothes of yours ( I'm guessing this one means I can't stay in my yoga pants and t-shirt all day)













2 comments:

  1. I love this! We go through roommate phases too and I hate it! It's just so easy to get caught up in everyday responsibilities and what have you... But I think I'm gonna use (copy) your idea for April! Thanks for sharing!!

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  2. Love this post!! I think now a days marriage isn't something sacred or seen as long term. Love your ideas, and I'm going to use them!!

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